Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Fall of Saruman

Okay, I'm rereading Lord of the Rings, yet again, because it bears rereading. Over and over again, now and forever, I like Tolkien's stuff alright?!

Anyway. I got to the reveal that Saruman is a traitor. Which is his first appearance. And it strikes me.

Saruman is one of the Maiar. He's basically an angel sent to Middle Earth to guide Elves and Men as they overcome the terror of Sauron. But for whatever reason, they aren't allowed to use their full strength against Sauron, so they get put into the bodies of old men and told they can only advise, not pit strength against strength.

Fine. But. BUT.

Saruman declares that he and the rest of the White Council need to serve Sauron to try and guide his actions toward good. But maybe, if Gandalf and he take the Ring, they can overcome him and guide Men toward good with Sauron's power? Hint hint wink wink gimme the ring you old grey fuck.

And it's bullshit and Gandalf calls him out. But. Saruman should know, very well, that Gandalf would recognize his bullshit for what it is. Because they are both angels sent to Middle Earth to help Men and Elves save it from Sauron.

Saruman is not just an old man with magic hands. He is a heavenly being. He knows better.

But he still joins with Sauron. Why?

Because he's forgotten what he is. Because he, at this point, thinks he's an old man with magic hands. Because he no longer believes in the Valar (gods). Because if he did, he'd know full well what the inevitable result of joining with Sauron would be.

So how responsible is Saruman for what he became? Because when he dies, his spirit looks back to the Valar, and all it can do is sigh as it is blown into the Darkness. Because only after death does he see how far he's fallen.

Is it his fault that, bereft of the knowledge of the Valar, he falls to Sauron? Is Saruman truly evil, or just a victim of the body he was condemned to?

And did Peter Jackson really need to cut Saruman's death from Return of the King? Seriously, man, Christopher Lee gave you the most realistic stabbing reaction military training could offer and you cut it. Thank God for extended editions.


Thursday, April 14, 2016

Five Writing Lessons From Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice

Batman! Superman! Wonder Woman who gets the shit-tier billing even though she steals the big fight of the movie!

I went, I saw, I took some lessons from it. Thoroughly entertaining, but note none of these lessons qualify as "positives". Spoilers lie ahead, all ye of faint heart.

1. Show, Don't Tell

Batman vs Superman starts 18 months after Man of Steel, and early on in the movie there's a lot of beats that feel like a laundry list of Zack Snyder addressing complaints about the first movie. Superman and Clark Kent are established in Metropolis, Superman is a beloved hero, he and Lois Lane are in a solid relationship.

And that's all great, but we never got to see any of it happen. It's easy to overlook that with the Lois/Clark relationship - that trend was established in the first movie - but we've never actually seen Superman do anything heroic at this point! The stuff he did in Man of Steel is explicitly treated as reasons not to trust Superman, and all we ever get is a montage of "saves" where Superman looks miserable as he rescues people we have no investment in.

The first Superman scene in the movie would have been a great place for Superman to actually save people we care about. I was completely expecting it, but it didn't happen because, for plot reasons, everyone there had to die to frame Superman for murder. (With guns.) It wouldn't have been hard to fix this scene to let Superman save everyone, and then have the evil mercenaries come in and wipe the camp out after he was gone. That way we could see Superman being super and gotten on board with him a whole lot faster. Alas.

Point being: don't just tell your reader things about a character and expect them to care. They need to see it!


2. Suggest, Don't Show

Two examples of this, the first being Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot does an excellent job and Wonder Woman is a highlight of the movie, for the record. But part of her arc is that she's trying to get back a blackmail photo Lex Luthor has on her. Batman ends up finding a photo of her standing next to Chris Pine's cheekbones in 1918, looking just as young as she is in 2016 (or whenever).

All that's fine. The problem is that Diana is in full Wonder Woman garb in the photo, and it completely ruins her big entrance in the final fight scene! It would have been fantastic if that had been the first time we saw her in costume. And that would have been so easy, because there's no reason for her to be in costume in the photo - the scene works just fine if it's just Diana in a period dress, or a uniform.

You don't have to spell everything out for the audience immediately. Let them put some thought into things. They'll feel smart and the story will be better for it.

(Oh, right, second example. *ahem* MARRR-THAAAAAAA)


3. OOC Needs To Be OOC

I'm referencing a trope known as Out of Context (OOC) is Serious Business, which means a character starts acting... differently when things get serious. The pacifist starts kicking ass, the jokester gets deadly serious, the klutz becomes scary competent. It's a fine trope, I recommend it.

In Batman vs Superman, there's a flash-forward/dream sequence/vision of Batman in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, apparently ruled by a crazy evil Superman. (Actually ruled by another guy who's blindingly obvious if you read DC comics. Foreshadowing!) In this sequence Batman, who famously abhors guns, pulls a machine gun and just shoots the hell out of enemy soldiers.

The point, I think, is to demonstrate how bad things are by showing Batman shooting people. But he's also shooting people in the present! Hell, he runs over people, stabs people, he burns a guy alive in front of a middle-aged kidnapping victim... Who cares if he's shooting people in the Bad Future if he's already shooting people?

If you want to shock people by having a character go off his usual script, he actually has to be acting out of character. If there isn't a significant change in behavior, it won't work.


4. Talking Is A Valid Action

Now, there are some circumstances where two people will get into a fight immediately without trying to talk things out first. Maybe it's a protagonist and a gang of disposable mooks. Maybe it's two soldiers on opposite sides of a battlefield. Maybe one guy is drunk. Stuff happens.

But, if you have two protagonists getting into a fight. And both are known for having codes against killing. And one of them is being blackmailed by the villain under threat of his mother being killed within thirty minutes. And the other one just had a good friend murdered by the same villain, and has spent years saving innocent people's lives. In that circumstance, you need to have a really good reason for the two protagonists not to at least try to talk things over for a minute before they try to murder each other.

There's a tradition in comic books for heroes to fight at the drop of a hat, but make sure they've got a good reason, and try to make sure that reason can't be resolved by four words, i.e. "Luthor has my mother".


5. Make Your Villain's Schemes Internally Consistent

Crazy villains are great. Joker? A blast. Green Goblin? Superb. But even the most lunatic villains tend to at least make sense to themselves.

In Batman vs Superman, Lex Luthor hates Superman because he's a superpowered alien threat to the planet. And for the most part his solution (Batman + kryptonite) is appropriate to his mindset. But then for some reason, he decides he needs a backup plan and creates Doomsday: a superpowered alien  threat to the planet.

Now, there's a fine tradition of villains hypocritically creating bigger threats in order to deal with the hero's perceived threat. J. Jonah Jameson sponsored the Scorpion to get rid of Spider-man, Movie General Ross helped create the Abomination to take out the Hulk.  But in most of these cases, the bigger threat was intended to be something controllable that ends up getting completely out of hand and requires the hero to stop. In Batman vs Superman, Lex just flat out creates Doomsday without any restraints or controls, apparently believing a sample of his blood would be enough for him to control the creature. Nope! And even when Superman has to save him from getting splattered into meaty chunks, we never get a reaction from Lex to show that he realizes he screwed up. Yes he's crazy, but he's not stupid.

Make sure your villain has a reason for everything he does, even if that reason is only sane to him.

Monday, April 11, 2016

Damn You Santino Fontana

And damn you, too, Rachel Bloom, by extension. Because some day soon my son is going to ask me to play the Frozen soundtrack in the car again, and I'm going to slip this in and tell him it's the missing Anna and Hans song. And then my wife is going to slap me until we run off the road and go up in a giant ball of flame, all because of a cheerful song about urinary tract infections.


Think of the children, you two, for shit's sake.

Street Fighter V Hurts My Hands

I picked up Street Fighter V on a whim. Everything I'd heard about it said "Dave, don't pick up this game, it's not for filthy casuals". But it was in a Redbox and I thought, why not? So I grabbed the game and played it for a bit over three nights. Then I returned the Redbox and bought the digital copy. With the season pass.

MUAHAHAHA! ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN!
Part of it is the fault of the Super Best Friends. They got me hyped for fighting games. It's like MMORPGs where you have to learn a different language to understand them. Footsies! Frame data! It's all beyond me but it's interesting.

The game itself is, charitably, a train wreck. The art style is okay, sometimes good, sometimes not good at all. The menu is shit. The story mode (prequel mode?) is shit, and the real story mode won't be out until June? July? Maybe August at this rate. Survival is a special hell for obsessives. I'd have returned the game on the first day if the actual fights weren't so good.


The fights are not just good. The fights are fantastic. It's Street Fighter! The fights have always been fantastic. It is the fighting game that all other fighters bow to, now and forever. I wish it didn't take five minutes to find each new fight. I guess it's to save gamers from getting arthritis in the first month of the game's release.

Oh God, the loading times. The network search times. It's still better than Mortal Kombat, where fights just lost connection or lagged for no damn reason. But them I stomp Ryu underneath Laura's electrified heel and all is good again.

But Survival. Survival is breaking me. Survival will give me the arthritis.

30 rounds, 50 rounds, 100 rounds, all in a row but the only ones that matter are the last three fights, the toughest fights. Lose here and you lose everything. No experience, no fight money, no matter how many rounds (25 rounds, 27 rounds, 29 rounds) you cleared, even if you just flat out dropped your network connection and the game shit out all your progress for no fucking reason.

But I have to remind myself what this game is. Because I have never seen a game so dedicated to the idea that people will be playing it for years. The trophies are all geared to that timetable, to months of play. The DLC (for the first year!) is spread out over six months. Everything points to a Killer Instinct style experience of frequent updates on and on, forever and ever, amen.

I'll be dropping Street Fighter V tomorrow for Dark Souls III. And then I'll pick it back up. And then I'll drop it for Persona 5. And I'll pick it back up after that, over and over, until my PlayStation finally dies.


Or my hands do. Cripes. Where's the ice?

Monday, January 11, 2016

Dictation Attempt 3: Dragon Dictation

The following is the raw result of trying to use the Dragon Dictation iPhone app to write while taking my son for a walk/nap in his stroller. The only edits made were a couple (not all) of the carriage returns. For a look at my previous attempts at using dictation, go here (voice recording then transcription) and here (Google speech-to-text).

Hello there. I'm outside right now walking my son in the stroller. He needs to go take a nap.

I'm writing this blog post with Dragon dictation. It is recording software for the iPhone.

I'm doing this to see just how accurate the software is. So far it is not been very accurate. But I'm going to try to write something anyway.

If you notice a lack of commas, it's because I keep forgetting to say the word,, and now I probably got double commas in there, well that's a problem,. Oh shoot I screwed that up,. Now I can't stop singing,.

For the record I don't know how to do carriage return. I'm just using the keyboard to type the return. That's all. Everything else is the soothing sound of my voice.

Anyway here we go. Period.

No one knew why the dead begun to walk. Some thought the gods were angry at us. Some thought the dead were angry at us. Mostly though, but that just walk around wandering through the trees and not bothering anybody particularly.

Those were the wild dead. There were others though. The dead who worked for the burning ember. They came with the dead callers, took people from their homes, and drag them away to the mines beneath the white towers. Those were the dead you had to fear.

Why the emperor had any interest in the white tower no one can say. Those who served him said that he wished to challenge the gods on their home turf. Others thought he was simply mad and sought to destroy the world. They were the ones were dragged away the most often.

Hearalde and his family knew very little of this. They lived in a simple fishing village. On the island of Wallstent. In the far north. Very few people ever came there. And very rarely for the dead scene in the village. They were far from the woods Mccoach for the dead did not like to go. One day Hearalde asked his brother Magness quotation mark why are we never allowed to leave the island? Quotation mark

Magnus smiled and said that it was against the Emperor's will for the smile seems fake to Hearalde.

Who are you? Why have you come here? Do you seek death? Knowledge? Both you will find here, perhaps one will find you.

Here's an idea dictation app it already automatically adds a, quotation marks Tenneyson sedans with set. That automatically at the, whenever you pause for more than five seconds. Three seconds. An app that lets you customize your own voice dictionary.

Okay I'm done with this. This is what dictation writing is like pouring. Maybe I'll get better at it. Maybe I won't. But here we are.

And I'm still forgetting the comments.