Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Frank Drowns In His Own Blood

This synopsis is a coping method for oral surgery I have coming up at the end of the week, also an excuse for Danny DeVito or a willing impersonator to swallow more fake blood than is probably good for them. It is available for sale to anyone who wants to produce something with it. Very reasonable rates, not even Green Man rates. Just use the contact form and keep it short because that #$!@ing form screws up everything.


Paddy's Pub
8:01 a.m.
On a Tuesday

The Gang is back on their bullshit when Frank enters and immediately starts taking shots. Under questioning he explains that he's got to go to the dentist and he needs to get good and wasted first. Charlie warns Frank away from dentistry in general, claiming it's all a scam and that dentists murder their patients. Mac reminds him about the time Charlie started pulling his own teeth out "like Goddam popcorn kernels" but Charlie's adamant, and the Tooth Fairy gave him five bucks a pop. Dennis wants to explore that but Charlie blows him off to tell Frank not to go to the dentist. Frank admonishes him, it's a routine cleaning, what could go wrong?

TITLE CARD: Frank Drowns In His Own Blood

Later, in the pub. Frank is gone. Sweet Dee enters the bar excitedly and shows the Gang an open audition for models for a dental advertisement. Dennis wonders how a giant bird with no teeth can make the audition. Mac reminds Dee that she's a crackhead and her teeth have to be terrible, which Dee and Dennis both take offense to. Mac stands by his argument and opines that his "superior dentition" would make him the perfect candidate.

Dentist's office. Frank's getting examined by a hot dentist because of course he found one. He hits on her, she hooks the shit out of his gums, notices that he still has his wisdom teeth. "Of course I kept them, they're mine. I should give them to some little shit in Somalia?" The dentist lets that pass but informs Frank that all four of the teeth are cracked and impacted. He's gonna need surgery.

A pharmacy. Dee and Dennis are looking for whitening products and anything else to make their teeth look good, to put Mac in his place. They bullshit over the various options and ask the pharmacist what they should use. The pharmacist, who has no time for them at all, recommends a bleach rinse. Dee tells her to piss off but Dennis tells her to reconsider, saying that if a respected chemist is recommending it it might have merit.

Charlie's apartment. Frank comes in ready to bunk in for the night and tells Charlie about his surgery tomorrow. Charlie freaks out and begs Frank not to do it, he'll die! But Frank blows him off and hits the shitter. Charlie whispers to himself "I won't let you die Dad. Frank."


Charlie's apartment the next morning. Frank wakes up spewing blood all over the bed and freaks out thinking he's dying. Charlie wakes up and explains that he did Frank a favor by yanking his teeth out in the middle of the night. Frank goes off between spit tanks, especially when Charlie shows him the teeth. They're not even close to the right ones.

Dee's apartment. Dee's getting ready to try the bleach rinse idea. Dennis hypes her up for it. Dee slugs the bleach and immediately spews it out cursing. Dennis laughs, saying he knew it wouldn't work but he wanted to see if Dee would do it. Dee chews him out. Dennis suggests a great way he knows to improve their dental hygiene, because it makes their teeth feel all tingly and leaves them grinning tightly: crack. Dee's on board.

Outside Charlie's apartment. Mac pulls up in his car wearing ridiculous dental headgear. Charlie asks for a ride to the hospital as Frank continues spitting up blood, which is why they can't get a cab. Mac's not cool with the idea and asks why they can't call an ambulance. Charlie explains they won't come out anymore because Frank called too many times for rat bites. Mac forces Frank to lay his shirt on the seat before he gets in.

The audition office. Dennis and Dee are loaded on crack and wearing crazed fixed grins. They try to sell themselves as new talent but the guy running things explains that he's looking for people to get dental X-rays for a class. After a beat Dennis and Dee ask how much it pays - $50 a head. Dennis and Dee declare that's beneath them and storm out, haranguing the poor guy for lying.

The hospital. Dennis and Dee are walking out, admitting that it did seem odd the audition was being held in a hospital. Frank staggers into the shot and falls to the floor, screaming that he's drowning in his own blood. The Gang regards him in the spreading pool of blood - nobody wants to touch him and they're in a hospital, right? Might as well bail, he'll be fine. Dennis, Dee and Mac exit, Dee asks what the hell Mac is wearing. Charlie lingers while Frank begs for help. "Yeah Frank you know I'm gonna go find someone to pick you up I'll be right back" and Charlie leaves to put Frank's teeth down for the Tooth Fairy.