Open Letter to the ACLU and the NRA

To the representatives of the American Civil Liberties Union and National Rifle Association,

Let me begin by saying that I admire both of your organizations. I am a firm believer that the Constitutional liberties our country was founded upon must be protected, regardless of whether they suit the left wing or the right wing of our government better.

With that said.

When I support a charitable or activist organization, what I want to do is send a reasonable sum of money, either by mail or online transaction to the organization in question. For my trouble I expect a simple membership card where appropriate, or perhaps a set of inexpensive address labels, like the ones I just received from the wonderful Chesapeake Bay Foundation. (Keep up the good fight guys, I want my grandchildren to enjoy blue crabs as much as I do.)

I am open to an annual letter documenting your organizations' accomplishments over the past year, and a brief reminder that another simple donation would not go amiss. I would also not mind the occasional missive encouraging me to write my elected representatives if, by doing so, I can help your causes.

What I do not want and will not stand for is weekly letters and emails demanding more and more and more money in exchange for fucking tote bags, of all things. If you intend to shill for money under the guise of an annual membership fee, I intend to pay the fee and no more. The only thing you've accomplished by bombarding me with pleading missives is to convince me that your organizations aren't worth my fucking time or money.

If you are willing to abide by these terms, you have my contact information (do you, fuck), and I would be happy to support your organizations again. But only if you leave me the fuck alone.


Sincerely,