Saturday, August 15, 2015

Tales of Vault 867 - Opening Day

The following journals were recovered outside the doors of Vault 867. Further exploration of the Vault was deemed undesirable following a cursory review of the material.
Today the poor bastards scheduled to live in Vault 867, or at least the minority that haven't puked up their livers, arrived at the doors. I'd already ensconced myself in the Overseer's Quarters, ensured that no one would be able to find the doors without my authorization, and confirmed that the Vault's surveillance systems were fully operational. Should be a swell decade for this little blue-suited voyeur!

...Or so I thought. Our dwellers are a cheerfully stupid lot, but supermodels they are not. I guess the Basic Human Dignity Committee finally overruled Eugenics. Among our contestants are:

Gary Richards, 28, bad Beatles haircut. Strong as an ox and half as smart.

Kathy Thompson, 35, has upper-level executive written all over her. Probably not with the right connections or she'd be in here instead of me, wouldn't she?

Terry Davidson, 26, smart-ass in a sweater vest flirting with

Kelly Day, 24, co-ed in a crop top. I guess Eugenics got a win in after all.

Margaret Chandler, 33, housewife. Not sure where her family is. She poked at all the cameras and tried every door she could see: a very inquisitive woman. Naturally I'm placing her straight on sewer duty.

Jessica Mitchell, 26, apparently knows Margaret. Into the sewer with her.

And finally Diana Stewart, 31, former sous chef to Gordon-fucking-Ramsey if you can believe it. Mouth like a sailor but she knows her way around the rations.

(I say finally, but who is that on the left? The Vault is already attracting troublemakers...)

While they queued into the Vault I finally opened my operational definitions packet and found a single sheet of paper containing the words:



Cute. Unfortunately it looks like my incentive program is tied to following directions, so my merry crew will be building a shitload of elevators to start their new lives. Strike the earth!

No comments: